Creating a Positive Experience for Everyone Associated with Youth Soccer
Let’s talk about and examine the increasing number of serious issues facing youth soccer from the sidelines and look at the possible causes and the impact it is having on the game.
What causes parents watching their child play a game resort to behavior that they never exhibit when their child is not involved in a game? Does the score during the game or the result at the conclusion, change a parent’s personality and skew their perspective of what is appropriate or inappropriate?
Professionalization of youth sports has created a more contentious game. Parent responses to referee calls, and the outcome of the game has become personal. Parents paying huge registration fees, the high cost of tournaments, travel expenses and the constant pressure of winning begin to identify with the child’s team as their team. This phenomenon is occurring at younger and younger ages.
Sports psychologists Frank Smoll and Ronald Smith, University of Washington professors and authors of “Sports and Your Child: A 50-Minute Guide for Parents,” have found that identifying strongly with a team leads to increased aggression from spectators. In one study, fans who identified highly with a specific team were more aggressive to the referee than fans who weren’t as connected to their team (Wann, 2006).
It is now common to have games played with only a referee and no linesmen or referees showing up late to a game. Negative or even abusive comments from parents and coaches directed to referees have not subsided. Clubs and leagues struggle with enforcing rules established for sideline behavior. There are times at the conclusion of a game where referees feel threatened and fear the walk to their car.
A number of scenarios should be examined by parents to determine if their decisions regarding their child’s experiences in all sports, not necessarily soccer, are affecting their demeanor and tone on the sidelines. Also, they must ask themselves if their behavior is having an adverse effect on their child’s performance and their enjoyment of the sport.
We all address the importance of development over winning but how does a parent recognize development in a child? You want a coach to emphasize development over winning especially at young ages. Keep in mind, competition and winning cannot be the measure of a coach’s ability or a club’s value.
As your child begins his or her journey at competitive soccer, Parents may fall into the trap that their own self-worth is determined by their child’s performance and success. They begin to ignore the present but what may lie ahead if their child is not recognized for their outstanding play. If they do not see the individual success or even team success at young ages, they rationalize that the reasons may lie in coaching or the level of play of the team. They search out to other clubs to recognize their child’s expertise. This perception is now occurring as young as U7 or U8.
Parents are now so protective that they forget about valuable lessons in real life. They do not want their child to experience failure or even negative situations. Overcoming failure and facing negative moments are essential lessons in development. Unfortunately, it also takes away from a child’s personal sense of ownership to their game. Having instructions shouted from the sideline is not beneficial to growth and hinders an understanding of the game by their child. Some parent behaviors perceived as pressure inducing by players are thought by many parents to be supportive.
Parents should want to dee their child develop problem solving ability in their children on the field as much as they do on the classroom. Parents should balance involvement and support while also allowing children appropriate space to be exposed to sport challenges and develop self-regulation. Research has found that parents’ support of autonomy via the provision of choice and encouragement of decision making, is linked to parental ability to understand their child’s playing experience.
And when it comes to your own young athlete, are you encouraging them, or criticizing? Are you boosting their self-esteem, or crushing it? It is worthwhile to note that most young athletes report they do not enjoy it when their parents yell out “suggestions” from the bleachers. Not only do they not find it helpful, they see the suggestion as a form of negative criticism (Kidman et al, 1999).
.According to Bach (2006), 74% percent said they had witnessed out- of- control adults at their games, and the two most common types of bad behavior involved parents yelling at children and officials or coaches.
It’s entirely valid to feel angry when one has done something unfair, hurtful, or wrong to you or your child. Anger is an internal emotion. But exploding in an angry outburst is not okay. Yelling or screaming at someone else because you are upset, whether it’s the ref, the coach, another parent, or even your son or daughter, is not appropriate. Some parents get overwhelmed by the excitement of the event and lose control of their ordinary sense of propriety. They feel like they’re out there on the line with their child. Plus, as any honest parent will confess, we see our worth reflected in our children’s abilities on the court, field or track. Watching our children sink or soar in a public arena can ignite a regression back to our most primitive selves.
Parental involvement in your child’s participation in sports should include positive comments to their child to develop self-esteem, motivation, and social skills.
Bad behavior in sports is tolerated because the norms allow it – what can we do to curb bad behavior moving forward.
Each club should establish a clear set of expectations to be followed during each game. First and foremost, have fun and enjoy the game. Make the game a fun event. Spectators should cheer on effort and strong play exhibited by both teams[MB1] . Respect the referee and coaches and encourage players to do the same. Always stay in designated areas behind the touchline and never engage in offensive or abusive language in any circumstance.
Before the season begins club administrators should meet with all parents in some fashion; either in an auditorium or meeting the parents of each team before or after a training session. Within that meeting strong sanctions are presented with consequences should any violation occur; including being asked to leave the field. Should further altercations occur suspension from the club or not being allowed to attend future games should be applied. Within each team a parent representative should act as an observer of sideline behavior and address any parent who violates the agreed upon recommendations.
Finally, both coaches, players and referees should realize they are not adversaries but advocates to make the game enjoyable. One key would be coaches and referees meeting before each game in a short introduction of themselves to discuss expectations should any negative developments occur during or after the game. Coaches should act as intermediators and have the team parent representative address any difficulties with team spectators in a calm but firm manner.
As a young coach, I found myself not acknowledging the respect I should have given referees. I shouted out continuous instructions to my players, would criticize in a negative manner and sometimes did not make the game fun or close to being a positive learning experience. With my own children, I found myself overly critical during games, training and even on the ride home. Don’t create that type of hostile environment for your child or the referee. Uncalled for behavior on the sidelines and from the bench has created a caustic environment that perpetuates itself each year. Looking back, you will regret that you missed out on enjoying the whole experience and being a worthwhile contributor to great game.
